Royal Crest

About the Authors

With apologies to Neil Gaiman

Ian Backenbury Channell; The ArchWizard of New Zealand, living work of art and founder of ALF's Imperial Army. The original rabble rouser and discoverer of the Inside-Out Cosmology, he first led ALF's Imperial Army to the shores of New Zealand in 1973. ALFs have been here ever since. The Wizard prefers to be called Jack, and Alice Flett is married to him, although he isn't married to her. He didn't write any of this, but it is ultimately all his fault.

The Wizard
Carl Layton

Carl Layton has arts degrees, on which he blames his current employment. In the days of the British Empire he would have a found gainful employment as a colonial administrator, sipping tea on the lawn in an even more pleasantly warm country, and playing cricket. Not that he's bitter you understand. He has little truck with these infernal modern calculating engines, which is why he goes to great efforts to get other people to do the actual typing. Did you get that last bit right? No, don't type that. Stop...

Simeon Lodge is a a well known kinetic sculpture, a bounder and a cad, and a member of some other pacifist warfare group. He constructs war-machines, outrageous hats, and web-pages. However he has never attempted to summon obscene monstrosities from beyond space and time during midnight rituals on top of a ziggurat in Hagley Park, does not suffer from a phobia of cephalopods, and his shadow has exactly the right number of limbs under normal lighting conditions. He was taken prisoner by the Royal Marines who forced him to help write this web-page. Send rescue! Oww!

Simeon Lodge

Stacy Hill

Whereas Mr Lodge will work for food, money, and contact with his embassy, Miss Hill gave freely of her time and effort to compose the original version of this site.

Willie with the Fleet

This site is dedicated to the memory of Willie Butler (far left)